A Handcrafted Arigatou!

I have always loved hand-making cards for people. This particular card was made for my room-mate Kinuko's mother. She's not really my roommate, but she's rented a room in our house for a while now and we've become good friends. 

A while back, Kinuko was shopping with me while I was looking for cute hair accessories at the mall. We talked about how much cuter and cheaper they were in Japan, and I thought that was that, but a few weeks later I received a large package packed full of cute headbands, hairties, and clips from Japan. Apparently Kinu asked her mother to buy me some accessories from some stores in Japan, including Claire's, which oddly enough is aimed at a much older audience over there.

After an incredibly awkward "thank you" conversation over webcam with her mother, I decided I should send her something! I found out she liked owls and hand-crafted things, so voila, my card.

My hand writing is so small! 

Sorry for the poor quality, I took these in a rush while I was going to the post office.

Picture Post Part Deux

Short post in respect to the last,

 but here are some very lovely spring patterned garments I bought recently:

New purse! It's my favorite color, c'mon, I had to buy it. 

And my favorite pillow!

The end.

Desk items - a Picture Post!

Today is a picture post!

Photobucket kinda ruined the quality, but enjoy random photos!

My desk on a typical afternoon.

 Yes, I know, it's ridiculously colorful. 

That big bread thing was my unhealthy brunch, courtesy of the bakery.

I recently switched out my planner on the left for the one on the right. 

I love the little sketches on it and it's more convenient as it is monthly instead of weekly:

These are my two favorite journals/sketchbooks. 

The one on the left has adorable sketches already in it:

My pencil bag is peaceful...like Paris?

I bought this book in light of planning to spend almost a month in China this summer. The depiction of Chinese people on the front is funny, especially since the people repeat :D

Mmmm, tea. 

Just Relax!

I often times feel like my head is being crushed by severe bouts of anxiety. 

I can't exactly recall if I've always been like this or not, but in general, I think I've always had an anxious and nervous temperament/personality.

I fidget constantly when I'm thinking about things. I'm that person in the classroom that can't stop shaking their foot or bouncing their leg.

My hands are always doing something. I unconsciously scribble on or tear up paper if its in front of me, play with my hair, tug at my clothes.

I am increasingly obsessive about my work, even more so when I procrastinate on it. This tends to lead to a period of over focusing on things, which I actually believe is why I do well in school without constantly trying very hard. 

I clean my room consistently and organize everything by shape and size. I double, triple check my homework and my bag before I leave. I'm paranoid about doors being locked and lights being on when I sleep.

I can be a perfectionist about anything and everything I do. This doesn't necessarily mean I succeed 100%, but the mind set is still there.

 

Most of all, I realize, I'm critical and over analytical about myself. Sometimes this criticality spills out in the form of questions said aloud: "Do you think we should change this? Is it really okay? What do you think of this? But is it okay? What about this? What about that? Does this dress look okay? But what about the shoes? Are these accessories okay? Do you think I should've gotten the other one instead?" This loop of self talk should actually be played on silent within the confines of my own mind, but it often spills out. Immediately I realize it is annoying to some people, so I begin with a profuse stream of "I'm sorry! I'm sorry for asking so many questions!" and then proceed to become embarrassed of apologizing so much, which automatically leads to me apologizing more or trying to make it up to the person.

The child developmentalist in me would like to argue that if this indeed my temperament, then the anxiety may stem inconsistent parenting. Not bad parenting, mind you, just inconsistent. Between an anxious and bi-polar father and a mother who was indecisively cold or warm to her children, it's possible that this anxiety can spring from not knowing what to expect of my surroundings. In this scenario, I might obsess over things because I am anxious of the result, and therefore try to control the outcome as much as possible. 

Too much introspection and analyzing of my relationships is based on my need to understand, a concept that wasn't often acknowledged while I was growing up. But I can't understand everything, and even then, understanding everything doesn't necessarily mean that I can change things. I need to talk things out with myself and perhaps others, and then go with what is here and now.

Sometimes the anxiety is so overwhelming that I feel as if I might burst. I get nervous about not doing things right, when I usually do just fine anyway! I just need to relax. I need to stop worrying. 

Clarity

Our emotions often distort our perceptions of ourselves and our world. 

You have to be greatful for those moments - or maybe those hours, days, weeks - in which you feel as if you are seeing yourself clearly. Sometimes all it takes is a little nudge to realize how fortunate you really are. Sometimes, you just can't help but feel an overwhelming sense of gratitude towards whoever or whatever is out there.

In my case, I'm grateful for my mind and my health.

...for my parents who continue to support me in whatever I do.

...for my older brother and sister who taught me what my parents didn't, and continue to.

...for my sense of security, for my opportunities, for my education. 

...for real laughter, love, and moments of peace and truth.

...for naps in the sunlight, for the safety of a good hug, for new memories.

For so much more than I can even begin to enumerate.

And sometimes, really, you just gotta wake up and think:

Gosh, I'm a lucky girl. 

Oh brave new world, that has such people in it!

"The more powerful and original a mind,

 the more it will incline towards the religion of solitude."

 -Aldous Huxley