Who is that?

I'll be 21 in August. Every morning when I look at my unedited reflection I acknowledge that what I'm seeing is me, but a part of myself feels a sense of detachment from that image. I still want to wake up each morning and see a bright-eyed kid, unknowing and uncaring of what lies ahead, but optimistic all the same.

It certainly crept up on me. I have been scaffolding time and experiences for these past 20-some years and now I find myself on the precipice of transitioning into adulthood. Human development terms would classify me as an "emerging adult" or a "developed youth", but what is an adult anyway? It does not seem like something we can circumscribe into written word so easily.

I have made mistakes and learned, expanded my knowledge, gained more experiences, tended to my cognitive abilities, and yet... does that really make people more "mature"? Sometimes when I watch adults the thought strikes me that we may never really leave that murky period that succeeds adolescence. Some people are still caught up in adolescence, others linger in the aftermath, and some reject the past in its entirety and take on what has been defined as a mature mindset.

We may stop growing physically - in fact, we do the opposite and start deteriorating slowly at some point - but our minds are doing the same thing they always were. Analyzing, reevaluating, feeling, sensing, trashing the bad and storing the good, accommodating, changing.

So what does growing older and more mature entail?

What does it mean to be an adult?

I can hear the Tootsie Pop owl in my head, a voice from a retro-commercial piping in that the world may never know.

Little Snippets.

Taking silly Purikura again for the first time in a while:

This amazing perfume by Marc Jacobs.

I caught a whiff of a sample of it in Vogue and I knew it was perfect for me.

I've never put down so much money for a perfume, but I couldn't resist:

Being silly at Disneyland with good friends:

Some charms from the Disneyland store.

I painted my nails with Mad as a Hatter polish by OPI,

which was also purchased at D-land.

Celebrity Crushes.

Because everyone has them! :>

Girl Crushes:

Scarlet Jo'.

Anna Tsuchiya, for being badass and cute.

Shannyn Sossamon.

Christina Ricci

Still as adorable as her Wednesday days.

Zooey Deschanel and her fashion, like so many others.

Keanu Reeves. Since the Bill and Ted days, too.

Masanobu Ando :)

And probably Kenichi Matsuyama.

I guess I do like Asian guys occasionally haha.

Joseph Gordon-Levitt.

I like dorks.

Christian Bale.

Though I'm pretty sure playing some of my favorite iconic characters

(Batman, Patrick Bateman, Howl etc.) has something to do with it.

And the overly cliche Johnny Depp!

Oddly enough, I think if I made a list of fictional characters I have a crush on it would exceed this one. Hah.

Keys.

Been smiling more, appreciating more, enjoying more.

Worrying less and stilling that burning need to control every aspect of my life.

I became free as soon as I adopted the mindset I needed to have, the attitude I needed to pick up and wear proudly like a new garment, and the positivity that was always there but just needed a little watering and help to flourish.

I have been so grateful lately, and so very in love with my life.

♥

Kitty and Make-up.

Random Picture Post:

Kitty ♥ Crazy cat lady JuJu.

I used to think this cat was a bit of a pest, and she still sort of is, but her hyper craziness has grown on me.

I'm kind of crazy too, anyway, so I guess we're in the same boat.

Old eyeshadows, blinged-out Chanel compact, and three versions of the same balm.

I threw out a lot of old make-up and threw together a kit of make-up I would still like to use.

I never realized how many Benefit products I owned. I'm getting pretty tired of MAC, though there are a few things I'll still use by them. Benefit and Lancome seem to be my revamped obsessions. I never really stay up to speed on the make-up world, but I go through phases with different brands. :)

"God."

In my experiences, there are two things that people never seem to agree upon: religion and politics. Even between the closest of friends, the perspectives on these two different ideas usually differs in one way or another.

The other day my thoughts shot off on this random trajectory about religious and spiritual philosophy and the thought that maybe there really is no such thing as an "atheist" popped into my head. I mean, an atheist is defined as someone who believes in no god or higher power, but in a way, everyone believes in some sort of higher power. Whose job was it to define what "God" is, anyway?

There is something built into the core of our existence as human beings that calls for us to put our faith in something higher and outside ourselves. Anthropologists found that even the earliest type of homo sapiens buried their dead with flowers, tools, and other possessions. Even during those times it was natural to question Why? and What next? and Who?

Some people put their faith into humanity and believe that people can be whole-heartedly kind, empathetic and conduct affairs peaceful with one another. Other people put their faith into spirituality and believe in an unseen connection between people and others, or between people and the natural world. There are even those who put their faith into gaining the most that they can out of this life, whether it be material, status, or the acquisition of knowledge.

In the end, everyone puts their faith into things they believe they are put in this world to do and in a sense, that is their god.

I do believe in God, though if you asked me to describe it, I couldn't tell you. For me, at least, it's hard to imagine that there is no God. Maybe not the humanistic portrait of God as man, but the binding force that holds everything together. I feel like I can see God in humanity, in people offering kindness to one another (not even necessarily someone they know or love). When I go somewhere beautiful, secluded, or untouched by industrialization its the whisper of a presence, the lofty mysteriousness in the air. Even in the most crowded of places, each person has their own little reality or culmination of thoughts and experiences, somehow wired to a million or more other little realities.

I always considered a blend of religious belief and science. "God made the world in 7 days" - well, a "day" could've been millions of years before our concept of time as put into use. A scientist once wrote that the more he studied the ventricles and passages of the heart and saw how everything was a miniscule, carefully molded, complicated system, the more he believed in God. A master designer, planner, and engineer, apparently.

My personal belief is that no matter what religion you are, all the goodness (the prayers, the kind deeds, the selflessness) flows into the same source. You can call the higher power whatever you want. It would be nice if religious dominations would start focusing on the vast similarities among their philosophies rather than the comparatively small differences.

God is like...well, God is like an egg.

Some people like their eggs cooked scrambled, over-easy, poached, fried, sunny-side up, or hard-boiled - but what no matter what they do to it, it's still an egg.