Conversely.

Today I met with the head of the Japanese department in order to get a section of my lengthy Waseda paperwork filled out. We sat there for about an hour, sifting through what classes I needed at my home school and which ones I needed to take abroad in order to double major by the time I came back.

The head of the department congratulated me on my entry, noting that it had been one of the most competitive years to enter the program. I thanked her (it wasn't something I had not heard before) and she went on to say how 20 people applied at CSULB and 10 people applied at my home institute. And that's disregarding the 20 other campuses (only about 25 students got in CA-wide, and from my school it was just me and some other guy).

When I was sitting there I reflected aloud, "I know it was competitive... that's why I'm taking advantage of going. I'm not sure what made them choose me, but I'm determined to go."

To which she replied, "Well, your grades are great and you came highly recommended. But I know Waseda makes you go through a couple of interviews, and those can be tough for many of my students. You're very..." She made some weird gesture with a raising of her arms. "Lively, friendly, and energetic. I think they would prefer someone like that at their school since you will be very involved and make lots of friends. A lot of my students tend to be very quiet, so I think interviews may be hard for them."

I was a little stunned. This woman had only met with me twice and I had sat in on one of her classes before. I thanked her again. When I had asked my other teachers to write letters of recommendation they had said the exact same thing, with "sociable" and "outgoing" and "asks good questions" and "talkative" thrown into the mix.

It is weird how I would never think of myself that way. I tend to gravitate towards describing myself as shy, reserved, introverted and a little odd. My teachers never seem to see this in the classroom ... maybe I'm just talkative to keep myself entertained during class? Why do I perceive myself in such a typically "negative" way when others don't see it?

Just a thought.*

Meep.

I have nothing to post about, I've been happy as a little clam lately!

I'm not one of those people who says, "Things are finally turning around for me!" That's an incredibly self-pitying and self-viticmizing mindset to have (not to mention annoying beyond belief). Instead I'm going to say, "Things just keep getting better and better!" (Cue big ol' :D-like grin here). Though I'll admit, I can probably only say that because I've been fortunate enough for nothing seriously bad to have happened to me lately or...well, ever? In the past I got disgruntled with petty annoyances. I'd find little things to complain about when everything was fine, and I'd whine to myself or others I felt comfortable with. We all do this to some extent, but over the years this has just lessened and lessened. I don't know if that's the "maturity" kicking in or some other acquisition.

I feel like I've just been drifting through life, riding the waves of good things as they happen and tromping through the annoying or frustrating things with ease. Is that a boastful thing to say? Is it childish to reflect, "Well, hey, nothing bad ever happens to me?" Actually, I wouldn't really say that. I'd say something more along the lines of "Well, hey, nothing bad has ever happened to me yet." But then I'd be expecting something bad, and that's not a very positive mindset to have, is it? Okay, okay, I got it. "I'm happy. I'm grateful. No matter what may come, I'll try my best to keep it that way." I like that optimism. It's something that I had in abundance as a kid, then it just sort of melted away and reformed at times during adolescence, and now it's back. And back to stay? I hope so. :)

/end circular crazy rant

"And with that," she said matter-of-factly, "I'm going to sleep. Please do not wake me, dear, for it is in this sleep that I shall regain all my other worldly strength. I'll recharge my batteries, oil the gears and cleanse the interior... just give me some time."

"Alright,"I replied, though at that time I had been quite unsure of what exactly she was talking about. "I'll give you this time you ask for, but I...well, I can't guarantee that I can ensure your safety while you slumber."

My words were met only with a blank expression, so I continued on,

"As time passes, your insides will become better, but that outside part I'm not so sure of. I have other things to attend to, people to see, errands to run. So whatever happens, happens. Fix it all, but run the risk of husking your shell or chipping away at it. It's your choice."

Reel

Whenever I listen to piano music a reel of images plays through my head like a movie. There are no words, but I know the story, and the details of the image leave nothing unsaid.

Gnnossienne No. 1 by Eril Satie .. inspires the same image from my mind every single time I hear it. The background is in fluent motion, but the two images in the forefront remain solitary save for the blinking of their eyes. Expression says it all.

I wish I could take up the initiative and make time to learn to play.

Good and Bad Regression.

Seriously, there is good regression, and then there is bad regression. It's all about picking out what's what in the context of time.

Core

There is a point in your life where you realize that everyone is just keeping up a facade of who they they think are, who they want to be, or who they believe they should be. We live in a culture obsessed with stuff (I'm no exception) and with maintaining an image. Why is this so important? Why can't people just be who they are at the very core of their being? No masks, no fronts, no letting petty things define you. (Though sometimes I am convinced that some minds have been so squandered that this superficial biomass is who they really are, deep-down to their insides).

Why can't people just be happy with who they are when they are stripped of everything else?

Is that not beautiful enough? Worth enough? Interesting enough?

Clash of the .. something or rather.

I went to go see Clash of the Titans yesterday, despite all the bad reviews it received. While it's just as cheesy as its 80's counterpart, the graphics made the movie enjoyable, though not necessarily memorable or a classic. I expected that I would drool over Sam Worthington or some other guy in the movie, but instead I found myself enamored with and enchanted by Gemma Arterton who played the part of Io. I find her to be very lovely, elegant, and refreshing to look at. She is also cast to play the lead female role in the Prince of Persia movie, and I look forward to seeing her on screen again!