Grandparentlessness.

Lola, Mother, Me. 

A couple of weeks ago, my mom's mom (Lola) passed away. When I was little, both my Lolo and Lola lived with my family and took care of me and my siblings. As I got older, they moved in with my cousins and I visited back and forth until they moved back to the Philippines in 2000. 

I can not help but think how my Lola was my last living grandparent. Lolo died after my family visited him when I was in middle school. My Grandpa Don, who I jokingly refer to as my white grandfather, died when I was in tenth grade. I never knew my real paternal grandmother; she died of a rare disease back when my father was in his twenties. My step-grandmother I knew till I was four, and then she came down with Alzheimer's and I never saw her again. 

With every passing of a grandparent, I find myself regretting not talking in depth to them about their lives. My parents are both of older age, 59 (Mom) and 63 (Dad), so my grandparents have lived long and through so much. What I do know, I want to know more of, but back when I was younger and had the chance I was ignorant enough to pass up the opportunity. 

I was planning to visit my Lola in the Philippines during Christmas, but instead my parents are there now and I have been home alone for a few weeks. I had to stay home to work and complete my lesson planning for China. I wanted to visit the country again (I think this would be my fourth time) and to see all my relatives. Hopefully I can visit soon, and pay tribute to both my Lola and Lolo. 

Little Bits of Happiness.

Puchi Petite Miniatures

As a child, I collected fake plastic food and animal miniatures. Somehow this transgressed into a love for miniatures of just about anything. I receive Puchi boxes as gifts often, and I love each and every one of them! I even have a miniature display cabinet for the food miniatures.

Mitzy

My dog, Mitzy, is nearly 13 years old. I've had her for 11 years now, and I can't imagine life without her.

Old Family Photos

This is a picture of my mom from 1973 (she is about 23-years-old here). She said she often made her own dresses, like the one in this picture. 

Maybe Baby Perfume by Benefit

I switch around on perfumes a lot, but I've been using Maybe Baby by Benefit for quite some time now. It's good for everyday use and outings - it smells girly and clean and I love it.

Goma Ice-cream

"Goma" is black sesame seed ice-cream. I know it sounds questionable as an ice-cream, but it is absolutely wonderful. I haven't had Goma flavored ice-cream since I was in Japan, but I recently found a restaurant that sells this flavor...I forgot how much I liked it! 

Loose Leaf Tea

There's something relaxing and authentic about loose leaf tea. I love this container, despite the drug inference it may make. :)

Afternoon Naps

Nothing beats a power nap after lunch!

Serenity.

We should not rely on the hope or possibility for others to change, but rather change our perspective of others and adjust their impact and involvement in our lives. I am finding this more and more true when it comes to disappointment or unhappinesses with my relationships. 

I'm not an extremely religious person, but my favorite prayer/saying since I was little offers good advice regardless of your beliefs: 

The Serenity Prayer

"God grant me the serenity

To accept the things I cannot change;

Courage to change the things I can;

And wisdom to know the difference."

The Loneliest Panda Bear.

This week has not been the greatest. 

I got back from NorCal, which was tons of fun in itself, but contracted some stomach illness and still had to work this week. I gave in and called in sick one day, and after that I have recovered. My mother also broke her foot and was hospitalized to have surgery, and will be bed rest for six weeks and off work for six months (and my Dad does not work). This most certainly cancels out the trip to the Philippines during Christmas. My initial practicum in Changshu, China, was canceled due to swine flu scare, but I am considering an alternate practicum site in the center of Shanghai.

But most of all, more than anything, I have been feeling incredibly lonely.

That's not to say that I don't have friends who I love to hang around, talk and go out with; I have a lot of friends in extremely random places and groups. I'm feeling lonely in the sense that I feel a lack of the meaningfulness, trust, and expectations that come from having a deep relationship with someone. 

This week I felt on the verge of tears because of disappointments and my overall situation. I rolled around in my bed and realized I had no one I felt I could talk to. Everyone I flipped by on my phone list I did not want to burden with my problems. Every time I played out the potential scenario in my head, I only saw the person on the other line feeling extremely awkward and troubled (negativity, I know).

I am not bad at making new friends. I can be really shy, but when people are friendly to me it's easy to mutually get along with them. Since I've began college, however, I've only made a handful of good friends that have transcended that "classmate friend" barrier. To everyone else...I don't know if I just have too many guards up or what, but I feel trapped in my own Julianna subspace. I also don't have a lot of new places to make friends, since all I have is work(full of 25+ women) and school(not many chances to talk to people) to count on. 

I consider myself a good friend. I can be a bit over critical and needy, but I know when to back off and when to be there for the most part. I know I get taken advantage of a lot, mostly because I'm gullible, too trusting and overly sentimental. I'm a bit introverted so I feel really greatful when I find a person I feel I can get along well with. 

Anyway, this panda bear has a case of the blues. Things could always be worse, but I always find myself looking for a way to make them better. 

A Handcrafted Arigatou!

I have always loved hand-making cards for people. This particular card was made for my room-mate Kinuko's mother. She's not really my roommate, but she's rented a room in our house for a while now and we've become good friends. 

A while back, Kinuko was shopping with me while I was looking for cute hair accessories at the mall. We talked about how much cuter and cheaper they were in Japan, and I thought that was that, but a few weeks later I received a large package packed full of cute headbands, hairties, and clips from Japan. Apparently Kinu asked her mother to buy me some accessories from some stores in Japan, including Claire's, which oddly enough is aimed at a much older audience over there.

After an incredibly awkward "thank you" conversation over webcam with her mother, I decided I should send her something! I found out she liked owls and hand-crafted things, so voila, my card.

My hand writing is so small! 

Sorry for the poor quality, I took these in a rush while I was going to the post office.

Picture Post Part Deux

Short post in respect to the last,

 but here are some very lovely spring patterned garments I bought recently:

New purse! It's my favorite color, c'mon, I had to buy it. 

And my favorite pillow!

The end.

Desk items - a Picture Post!

Today is a picture post!

Photobucket kinda ruined the quality, but enjoy random photos!

My desk on a typical afternoon.

 Yes, I know, it's ridiculously colorful. 

That big bread thing was my unhealthy brunch, courtesy of the bakery.

I recently switched out my planner on the left for the one on the right. 

I love the little sketches on it and it's more convenient as it is monthly instead of weekly:

These are my two favorite journals/sketchbooks. 

The one on the left has adorable sketches already in it:

My pencil bag is peaceful...like Paris?

I bought this book in light of planning to spend almost a month in China this summer. The depiction of Chinese people on the front is funny, especially since the people repeat :D

Mmmm, tea.